Spectre of Vengeance
by horacethepig
Summary: A state visit to London by Storybrooke and Themyscira sounds great. Unfortunately, a SPECTRE faction wants revenge for the events in the Caribbean... The sequel to "Operation Calypso".
1. Chapter 1: A State Visit

Rights to Once Upon A Time is held by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz. Those to Wonder Woman, Batman, Superman, et al to DC Comics/Warner Bros. Joe 90 is owned by the estate of the late Gerry Anderson, Sylvia Anderson, ITC, etc. Rights to other franchises used are owned by: Marvel Comics; NOW Comics/Moonstone Books; the BBC; JK Rowling; Jim Butcher; Charles Addams; Chelsea Cain; Terrance Dicks; the estates of Ian Fleming, Peter O'Donnell, Malcolm Saville, Enid Blyton, and Anthony Buckeridge; amongst others. This is a non-profit attempt to play with favourite franchises.

Early October 2015: Storybrooke, Maine

In Storybrooke, Emma Swan reflected, there was no such thing as a normal day, at least as generally defined. As Sheriff of Storybrooke, you could be dealing with everything from a legion of winged monkeys to a dragon. In this case, however, it was a somewhat less esoteric, but still unusual, matter at hand.

"You want us to make an unofficial State Visit to the United Kingdom?" she clarified.

"Yes, that is the idea," the British diplomat nodded. "After your help in bringing those wreckers in Trinidad to justice, it was felt that you deserved to be entertained by the British Government. Your friends from Themyscira are also being invited."

"I thought we weren't officially supposed to exist?" Mary Margaret Blanchard commented.

"Hence the _unofficial visit_ , idiot!" Regina Mills snapped.

 _"_ _Seriously…?"_ grumbled her former step-daughter. Whilst the relationship between Mary Margaret and Regina was considerably better than that between Snow White and the Evil Queen, neither was ever going to admit to actually _liking_ the other.

"Are you interested?" the diplomat continued. "We can arrange for you to see Her Majesty and Mr Cameron. There could be trade agreements…"

Regina raised an eyebrow. "I would hardly think that Storybrooke is a major producer or consumer!"

"A peace treaty?"

"I think the British people can sleep safely in their beds not worrying about us invading," Emma said. "We couldn't conquer the rest of Maine!"

"Formal balls and banquets?"

"Well, it would be nice to treat Ava like a princess…" Henry Mills chimed in. He had been dating the girl now known as Ava Zimmer and formerly known as Gretel of the Enchanted Forest, for a few months and the two would be engaged as soon as they could purchase the rings. He had already accepted her tentative proposal, following the terrifying events in which they and their close friend, Princess Athena of the Amazons, had nearly been fed into an incinerator by the Society of Wreckers, a Trinidad-based gang that was wrecking warships for SPECTRE.

"You do already, love!" Ava assured him, before leaning in for a quick kiss. "All the same, I've never been to London before. We could go sight-seeing, shopping…"

"Harrods, Hamleys, Selfridges…" Mary Margaret agreed. "All the fashion houses…"

"I believe Hamleys is a toy shop, Grandma," Henry offered.

"Indeed it is!" the diplomat confirmed. "Do you accept?"

"Yes!" Regina replied. "We do!"

Later that day, Regina was lying on a beach on Themyscira. A portal had been established between Storybrooke and the island home of the Amazons. Her close friend Queen Hippolyta was sunbathing beside her. Aside from Regina's engagement ring (Robin Hood had proposed to her in the Caribbean), they were naked, as was customary on the island paradise.

"I've had a couple of previous unofficial diplomatic visits to London," Hippolyta noted, "and we may go to Edinburgh, Cardiff and Belfast afterwards. Other than packing for all weather conditions and probably getting them, there's little to worry about."

A bronzed man, clad in a loincloth and a lion skin entered, carrying soft drinks. "Great Queen, you wanted me Heracles to bring these." Regina had taught Hippolyta her "heart-rip technique", so she could get her long-delayed vengeance against the fellow demi-god who had raped her about 3,500 years before. One of the first things she had done was to make him speak like Tarzan in the old movies. Had he known of this, Lord Greystoke would have been horrified, having taught himself to speak in an articulate upper class English.

"Yes, thank you, slave. Now draw my bath and prepare for your main duty as my personal vibrator." She turned to Regina. "How is Robin?"

"Very well. We plan to marry at Christmas. Henry, Emma and Ava have agreed to be my escort and my bridesmaids. Are you still going to be my Matron of Honour?"

"Of course!"

"Thank you. Now, I do like these opportunities to get an all-over tan…"

In Metropolis, Hippolyta's eldest daughter Diana was just entering her house after a long, hard day at the IADC. Her spouses were awaiting her. Clark Kent and Lois Lane had been her best friends and lovers for more than four years. Since their wedding in Storybrooke nearly six months before, their relationship had continued to flourish, as was evident from the baby bump that Lois was rapidly developing.

"How are you two feeling today, Lois?" she asked, before fondling the bump whilst kissing her wife.

"Fine, thank you, Diana!" Lois replied after their kiss had ended.

Diana smiled happily, before kissing Clark. She felt a familiar sensation in her forehead. "Mother's calling us!"

They went upstairs to the master bedroom. Flicking a switch concealed in the doorway to the en suite opened a secret door into a small room where Clark's spare Superman costumes, a number of items that would reveal who Clark and Diana really are and a mirror were kept. Diana quickly span herself into Wonder Woman and pressed the star on her tiara. Hippolyta's face appeared in the mirror.

"Diana, Clark, Lois, I am glad to see you all. Delegations from Storybrooke and Themyscira have been invited to the UK for an unofficial state visit. I would like the three of you to attend."

"Well, mother," Lois commented, "You will have the best two-person security detail around."

"As you know from experience, Lois!"

"Can it, Smallville! I don't have a fetish about getting into danger."

"Then the fact we get rewarded with great sex after rescuing you is immaterial?"

"That goes for you too, Themyscira!"

"We'll come, mother!" Diana assured Hippolyta.

"Thank you all. Oh, and I know about Diana and Clark's skill as protectors, Lois. Who wouldn't want Superman protecting her? What a shame the cape covers his…"

"Thank you, Mother! That perfect butt is mine and Lois' only!"

"You can't stop me looking, Diana!"

"Look, but don't touch, Mother!"

The house in Culver Bay was a hive of activity. Joseph McClaine was home-schooled these days, so a next-door neighbour was currently one of a three-person team instructing him in the sciences. The dark-haired lady with the slightly masculine cut to her clothing was one of the best chemists of her generation, as the tall, somewhat lanky, blonde man was one of the best physicists and the short, stocky red-head one of the finest biologists.

"Thanks for the lesson, Auntie George, Uncle Jon, Uncle Jigger. I'm really getting the best in the business to teach me!"

"Well, your _other activities_ make home-schooling you imperative," Jigger Johnson told him. "There are only so many times you can tell your school that you have come down with a serious illness, whilst actually toppling a rogue regime!

"Besides, how many schools have access to top scientists, journalists, archaeologists, adventurers, linguists and even a concert pianist?"

"Very few," Jon Warrender agreed, pushing his spectacles back up his nose, before trying to straighten his perpetually messy blonde hair. _His hair makes Harry Potter's seem neat!_ Joe thought.

"Not in the state sector," George Kirrin agreed. You still called her Georgina at considerable peril! "You would struggle to find a public school with equivalent staff too!

"Fancy a trip to Kirrin Island, Joe? The three of us were sent a sample of something to examine by MI5."

"Sure, Auntie George!"

Following a short speedboat ride from Culver Bay to Kirrin Island, Joe found himself in a purpose built modern building that formed one of the headquarters of the Paranormal Investigations Bureau they ran. He smiled. Like many British children, he had grown up on the exploits of the Famous Five and the Lone Pine Club, so working with George and Jon respectively was a dream come true. The comic misadventures of the boys of Sheldrake Grammar School were essential reading too, so knowing Jigger was also a highlight. Maybe one day, Joe 90 would be mentioned in the same breath as his own idols?

"What is it?" he asked bemused. It seemed to be some carcass of a waterfowl, but one that appeared to have been partly eaten.

"One of a number of fish and waterfowl carcasses that appear to have been through the digestive system of a tiger shark," Jigger announced grimly. "In the Thames!"

"Since when have tiger sharks been found in British waters?" Joe asked perplexed.

"They haven't!" Jon explained. "MI5 are worried that someone may be importing large exotic fish for some nefarious purpose. They wanted us to look into the matter, just to make sure there are no powers from beyond involved." He checked some instruments. "No radiation, a total absence of sulphur and not a trace of ectoplasm. There's no evidence of demonic, spectral or extra-terrestrial activity. I assume our smugglers are human enough!"

"I'll keep Mac and Sam informed," George told Joe. "The W.I.N. may be interested."

"So I may be going fishing? Cool!"

Two weeks later, Hippolyta, Athena and her best friend Sappho came through the portal. As Sappho was Grace Jefferson's girlfriend, it wasn't too long before the pair were locked together at the lips. Athena was embracing Henry and Ava and Hippolyta Regina.

"Our flight leaves tomorrow morning from Portland International Jetport," Regina told her friend. "It will be a long flight to London Heathrow."

"Where's Chloe?" Henry asked Athena, referring to a younger Amazon friend.

"She took a portal to Culver Bay earlier today," the Amazon princess replied. "Joe is taking her for a picnic date on a nearby island tomorrow lunchtime, before meeting us at the airport outside London in the evening." The two 12-year-olds had started dating in the Caribbean.

"Why didn't you take that portal? It would be closer to London."

"According to Joe, it takes about twenty minutes in the Jet Air Car's flight mode," Athena agreed, "although it couldn't carry all of us. It would be about two-and-a-half-hours by a stopping service on the train. The fast services don't stop at Culver Bay."

"That's still quicker than a plane from Portland!"

"Yes, but I won't be with you and Ava, not to mention Grandmother, Sappho and your Moms. Auntie Diana, Auntie Donna, Uncle Clark and Auntie Lois are taking the Invisible Jet from Metropolis tonight. Roy will be flying in from Star City and should arrive the day after us."

"Cool! Now, you and your grandmother will be staying with me and my brunette Mom tonight, while Grace is staying at the Jeffersons."

"So what happens on this visit?" Ava asked.

Athena shrugged. "If it's anything like the last one, we'll be asked to attend small private functions with those who know about the places, things and peoples who don't exist officially. There may be a ball or two, plenty of shopping and a few lessons so we don't get too far behind. Particularly for you, with an education that isn't based on pankration, Hellenistic culture and dancing and statecraft!"

Ava laughed. "I guess that is essential for Amazon royalty! Henry and I get extra-curricular training in nobility, dancing and martial arts, as well as math, science, history and so on. Nobility lessons can be fun, as they often end with Henry's brunette Mom and Grandma arguing fiercely! Martial arts lessons are good, with Mr Kato being an excellent teacher."

"One of the best fighters in the business," Athena agreed.

Later, when Henry and Athena had retired to bed, Regina, Robin and Hippolyta were enjoying a rich red wine and some sparkling conversation.

"You aren't bringing Heracles?" Regina asked.

"I might go and fetch him before we leave tomorrow," Hippolyta admitted. "I can go without him for a few days, though, and a short spell in the Palace dungeon might do him some more good."

Regina smiled. "He's a _good_ _workout_ , but _great sex_ is no substitute to _making love to your True Love_! Sharing one quick kiss with Robin is ten times better than two hours with your demi-god sex toy!"

"Really?" Hippolyta asked, as her friends exchanged a far from quick kiss.

"Truly! What can I say? I'm a Fairy Tale Girl at heart!"

"How do you know…?" Robin asked. "Wait, when you said Hippolyta lent you her vibrator…"

"Exactly!"

"We really must discuss 'forsaking all others' before the wedding!"

"He's nothing but a sex toy. You weren't there, my vibrator was broken…"

"OK, I get it! Just don't do it again!"

Joe took Chloe on a boat trip to Kirrin Island. George greeted them and led them to the building where Jon and Jigger were waiting.

"Have you heard any more about that tiger shark or sharks in the Thames?" Joe asked.

"The carcasses left behind aren't showing up in such great numbers," Jigger told him. "We're not sure why."

"Now, weren't you here for a romantic picnic?" George reminded Joe. "There's lashings of ginger beer available…"

The two children enjoyed their picnic, listening spellbound to the tale of another confrontation between the Lone Pine Club and that clever forger Miss Ballinger.

"That must have been scary, with Penny abducted by that evil woman and her niece," Chloe commented. "What happened to her?"

"I married her!"

"I think she means Miss Ballinger, not Penny!" Joe informed him.

"She reformed after being imprisoned following our next adventure involving her. She died some time back. Her niece Valerie married their old accomplice Thomas Seymour, aka Slinky Grandon, after his recovery from a road accident. Not to mention their stays in prison too!"

The contingents from Storybrooke and Themyscira left baggage reclaim at Heathrow Airport, to be greeted by Joe, Chloe, Professor Ian "Mac" McClaine (Joe's adoptive father) and Sam Loover, Mac's best friend and Joe's W.I.N. handler. Diana, Clark, Lois and Donna Troy, Diana's youngest sister, were also present, after arriving some hours earlier in Wonder Woman's Invisible Jet. That would be landing at W.I.N.'s London headquarters.

"What's the plan for tonight?" Regina asked.

"To get you to the hotel for dinner and to get settled in for the night. There will be some receptions for you all tomorrow, plus some free time for shopping. We can go shopping first, if you require new clothes."

"Thank you, Mac. I wouldn't say no to a new dress!

"With us all here, I'm glad we left Belle in charge of Storybrooke."

"I notice she didn't get the "don't do anything too idiotic" speech," Mary Margaret grumbled, lifting Neil higher into her arms.

"You Charmings are idiots! Belle, despite her lousy taste in men, is not."

"Will Scarlet's OK!" Robin protested.

"I think she means the Crocodile, matey!" Killian Jones offered.


	2. Chapter 2: Food, Glorious Food

Mid-October 2015, London

Regina awoke the next morning. Robin was looking down at her.

"Morning, beautiful!"

"Morning, love!" Regina replied, leaning up to kiss her fiancé. "What time is breakfast?"

"Servings start in twenty minutes and finish two hours later. We don't have to be there until the last serving. Why?"

"So, we have two hours and twenty minutes. It takes an hour or so to get ready. We have an hour to spare. Any ideas on what we _could_ be doing…?"

"Oh, I think I _know_ what you are after…"

Breakfast was a full cooked meal. Bacon, eggs cooked how you liked them, hash browns, mushrooms, Cumberland sausages, baked beans, grilled tomatoes and something that looked like blackened sausage segments.

"What's this?" Emma asked bemused.

"Black pudding," Mac said. "It's pigs blood, suet and oatmeal. Very tasty!"

"You eat pigs blood?!" Henry asked horrified.

"It's a delicacy in the West Midlands, Lancashire and on the Scottish island of Stornoway," Joe told him. "It is often served fried as part of a cooked breakfast over here. You should try some."

Henry declined the offer, passing his to Joe. His friend smiled and rapidly devoured the extra helpings.

To finish, there were rounds of toast, accompanied with a selection of preserves including orange marmalade, strawberry, raspberry and blackcurrant jams and honey.

"Where's the peanut butter?" Henry asked.

"This is a high-class establishment!" Mac announced in horror. "They would never serve such a foul concoction here!"

"So pigs blood is a delicacy and peanut butter a foul concoction? Boy, British tastes are weird!"

"Funny," Mac commented "that recent delegation from the Carpathians loved black pudding! Do you like spicy food? It's curry night tonight! They do a really good lamb biryani here."

After breakfast, they were taken to Harrods of Knightsbridge. "They claim that, if you are willing to pay for something, they will supply it!" Joe told his friends.

"A girlfriend?" Nicholas asked hopefully.

"I suspect that's covered by the anti-soliciting laws!"

David, Killian, Robin, Henry and Nicholas were fitted for tailored evening suits and ruffled white dress shirts. They were also furnished with black bow ties and silver-plated cufflinks. Regina, Emma, Ava, Grace and Mary Margaret emerged with a selection of new outfits, as were Lois and the Amazons. Even Neil was provided with some smart new togs. Clark also was fitted for a new suit and dress shirt.

"You're not buying bow ties and cufflinks?" Killian asked Clark.

"I'm a reporter, remember?! We do sometimes have to cover high society events, like…"

"Hatches, matches and dispatches!" Joe suggested brightly, being fitted for a new suit himself. Having recently undergone a slight growth spirt, his old one seemed slightly tight and short.

"That sort of thing!" Clark agreed. "Did you see the news from Gotham…?"

"That billionaire Bruce Wayne has just got engaged to socialite Selina Kyle? Yes, I did." Joe paused, before adding _sotto voce_ "So the cat finally got her claws around her bat!"

"We visited Wayne Manor last week. Selina was overjoyed. Bruce was the same, when he wasn't Batman! _He_ is as grouchy as ever!"

"As if he would be anything else…"

Once their shopping was completed, they went back to the hotel, where they changed into some of their new clothes. They were then taken to Downing Street for a reception. A light ploughman's lunch was provided.

"Take a couple of pieces of bread, spread on some of the butter and take some ham and cheddar," Joe told his friends. "There's Branston Pickle, pickled onions, hard-boiled eggs, sliced onion, lettuce, cucumber and cherry tomatoes. Assemble them as you like for a simple, but tasty, meal.

"There are also chicken drumsticks, cold sausages, potato salad, quiches, Melton Mowbray pork pies, Scotch eggs and sausage rolls. Tuck in!"

They did so. Henry did try most of the foods on offer and found them to be tasty. The hard-boiled eggs cooked in sausage meat and breadcrumbs that Joe had identified as "scotch eggs" were good, as were the small crusty pastries containing pork and a jelly-like substance referred to as "Melton Mowbray pork pies". This was served with water, soft drinks, ale, cider and wine.

A number of people they knew were in the small gathering. Modesty Blaise was elegantly eating her bread, cheese, ham and pickle, whilst Willie Garvin was speaking with a tall man with strands of his thick dark hair forming a comma over his forehead. The tall man in the long blue airman's jacket and the almost equally tall grey-haired man who was talking to him in a strong Glaswegian accent were unmistakeable as Captain Jack Harkness and the Doctor. Finally, Harry and Ginny Potter were chatting to Rex Milligan, _The Quibbler_ 's muggle correspondent.

"No Goth Lady?" Ava asked Harry and Ginny.

"Wednesday's back home in the States, as is Zee," Harry replied. "She's good friends with both Henry's Mums, so you should see her often."

Ginny merely grinned, before starting a conversation with Joe and Mac. Since no Storybrooke folk or Amazon (even Chloe) could decipher the thick West Country dialects that the Devonian lass and her friends from Dorset had slipped effortlessly into, they were left to get on with their chat.

Hippolyta approached the Doctor and Jack. "Well, _hello_!" the latter greeted her.

" _Jack_!" his friend hissed.

" _I'm just saying hello_! By the way, your majesty, where's that man toy of yours? I would love to play with him!"

"And with me as well, no doubt!"

"Whatever gave you that idea?"

"She has met you several times before?" the Doctor offered drily.

"That's _cheeky_! Maybe I should see how _merry_ I can make Robin and Regina…?"

"And _that_ is how she knew what you were after!"

"SPECTRE currently seems to be emerging again. No longer one organisation, but a handful of splinter groups, most claiming to be led by a descendant of Ernst Stavro Blofeld. They all use the symbol of the octopus."

"Thank you, matey," Willie Garvin replied to James Bond. "You throttled old Blofeld to death on a Japanese island all those years ago, didn't you?"

"Yes, he had my wife murdered en route to our honeymoon!"

"Another glass of champagne, loves?" Modesty Blaise asked. "How did your last mission go, James?"

"It was a success. That mole won't leak any more state secrets, I can guarantee that. Unless they were included in his will, that is…"

Meanwhile, in a nondescript warehouse in the London Docklands, a large, bloated man was addressing his team.

"It is a pleasure to be here at SPECTRE's main London base. How are our plans proceeding, Number Twelve?"

"Very well, Number One! We have identified an opportunity for the joint abduction of Regina Mills and Queen Hippolyta tomorrow lunchtime. The double execution has been provisionally scheduled for the following morning."

"Excellent, Number Twelve."

After a meeting with the Right Honourable Philip Hammond, the Foreign Secretary, the party were taken to a rather unusual looking pub, the _Leaky Cauldron_. Harry Potter led them all inside.

"This is Hannah Longbottom, the landlady. You may remember her and her husband Neville from the wedding back in March?

"The pub has been here for centuries, with charms so most non-magical people don't notice it. Now, I've arranged for us to meet Kingsley here."

"Good to see you, Harry, Ginny, Rex!" came a deep, warm bass-baritone. A tall black gentleman approached. "Kingsley Shacklebolt, Minister of Magic. Welcome to Wizard London! I thought here might be a more intimate setting than the ministry."

"It's a bit dusty and full of witches," Ava noted. "No offense, but I've had a bad experience with a witch back home. I'm Ava, but you may have heard of me as Gretel. This is my brother Nicholas, or Hansel."

"Witch killers!" somebody yelled, in a blind panic.

"They are OK!" Harry reassured everyone. "Well, Ava can be a bit cheeky sometimes. She calls Wednesday Addams "Goth Lady", but she's really good company when you get to know her."

"Yeah, she, you and that Zee woman are good people, for witches and wizards anyway!"

Harry grinned, before ordering butterbeer for the youngsters and firewhiskey for the adults. After a few sips, most of the Storybrooke folk bar Emma and Killian switched hastily to butterbeer. It seemed the Amazons and Lois could handle their drink. Clark could probably have drunk several vats of pure alcohol without getting affected, unless it was laced with Kryptonite.

After they had finished drinking, Harry tapped some bricks in the rear wall and led them into a street that seemed to have been designed by someone trying to capture the entire history of London for a Walt Disney theme park.

"Welcome to Diagon Alley! This is the main magical shopping and other business quarter."

Rex grinned. "After some of the things you have seen, it's probably tame, but I still get a thrill every time I enter the alley. I never thought when I was busy recording the madness of school life that I would end up chasing werewolves for a wizard paper."

"Amongst other things!" the Doctor agreed. "Your interview with Dr Fu Manchu was very revealing."

"I remember! Stark raving crackers, of course, but he was good company. He was honourable enough, in his own way. Did you see my interview in _The Quibbler_ with his son?"

"Shang-Chi? Yes, I did. Part of your muggle martial artists' series. That one with Hayashi Kato was my own favourite."

"I thought his name was Kono?" Ava asked puzzled.

"Hayashi's his uncle. He's Paul Reid's uncle Britt's valet, chef and chauffeur. Not to mention wingman and driver to Britt's Green Hornet back in the day. Their nephews' continue that legacy, of course."

"Indeed," Harry agreed. "Now for some shopping wizard style."

Whilst most of the shopping opportunities were limited, Regina, Emma and Henry did get some magic books. With some tips from Wednesday Addams, not only could Henry do some basic magic, but Regina and Emma could use magic outside Storybrooke, as they had demonstrated in the Caribbean. Unless they were in contact with squid ink, as that seemed to affect Wednesday, Harry and even Zatanna Zatara, with only the likes of Harry Dresden, Stephen Strange and Baron Mordo able to perform any serious magic. They also bought some potions ingredients and a couple of cauldrons.

"Of course, books that wriggle, whisper and try to assault you are unusual even by _our_ standards," Emma grumbled to Regina. "As are chocolate frogs that hop away! Do they sell anything normal here?"

"That shop sells brooms, Swan!"

"Yes, but I don't fly mine at home. Do you?"

"Well, it is rather clichéd, Emma. I'm a modern woman!"

"You fly a vacuum cleaner?!"

They returned to the hotel. As Mac had announced, it was curry night.

"Are you used to Indian food?" Mac asked. "If not, stick to the korma options. It is the mildest option."

Most of the Storybrooke folk stuck to his advice. The Amazons, Clark and Lois went for the tikka masalas, biryanis and jalfrezis. For one Storybrooke resident, however, that option seemed tame.

"What's the hottest item on the menu, Joe?" Ava asked.

"The vindaloo, why?"

"I'll order that, then." She smiled at her friend's horrified expression. "Relax, Joe, I've had Tex-Mex! I can handle spicy food!"

" _Seriously_ …?" Emma asked, eyebrow raised. "I've heard curries are a very different type of hot food."

Once their meals had arrived, Joe tucked into his favourite lamb biryani with garlic naan bread. He then heard a distinct sloshing of water.

"No, Ava! Don't gulp down the water! It will only make things worse. Take a few sips, or better still drink milk, and have plenty of ice cream to follow."

His friend ignored him again. After drinking what seemed like gallons of water, she finally abandoned what was left of her chicken vindaloo. After plenty of ice cream, she seemed to be getting back to normal, before something sent her running for the ladies.

The following morning, the party gathered for breakfast. One member of the party was pale and seemed to have had little sleep.

"Are you OK, Ava?" Henry asked, leaning in for a quick kiss.

"I'm just waiting for Joe to say "I told you so"!"

"She was in our en suite all night!" Grace complained, once she and Sappho had shared their own kiss. "What was she thinking? That korma was tasty and didn't cause severe vomiting and diarrhoea, unlike the vindaloo!"

"Yes, the korma had a pleasant coconut flavour," Regina agreed. "What's for breakfast?"

"The same as yesterday," Mac noted. "I've arranged for the buffet, so you only take the black pudding, kippers or whatever if you like them."

"Kippers?" Henry asked.

"Smoked herring," Joe informed him. "They have them in the United States, I believe. Best served with poached or scrambled eggs, toast and tea."

One look at the herring sliced butterfly fashion, gutted and smoked red, plus smelling the smoky aroma, sent Ava back to the ladies in a hurry.

"Something must have upset her stomach," David noted.

" _Really…?_ " his wife asked rhetorically. " _You don't say_!"

"We have kippers in Maine, Henry," Emma told him, "Just not served like that. They are popular in Canada. I'll try a couple with poached eggs and toast, I think. They look delicious!"

Hamleys is one of the largest toyshops in the world. From cuddly toys to dolls and from educational games to _Galaxy Quest_ and _Nebula 9_ action figures, everything could be found. Other than a few toys for Neil, little was purchased. Joe brought a teddy for Chloe and was rewarded with a quick kiss. Since there were few computer or console games, Henry and his friends found little to interest them.


	3. Chapter 3: Taking the Queens

The party had taken advantage of the unusually warm, dry weather for a British Autumn. Mary Margaret, Regina, Diana. Donna and Hippolyta were wearing little black dresses and Emma, Ava and Athena T-shirts and denim mini-skirts. The men and boys were in T-shirts and light trousers (or "slacks" as Mac, Joe and Sam referred to them).

For lunch, Mac and Sam took the visitors to a pub-restaurant in Richmond for warm steak and mushroom baguettes served with chips and a side salad. Joe, Chloe, Henry, Ava, Nicholas, Athena, Grace and Sappho had the same meal, but stayed in the restaurant area and drank soft drinks instead of beer (or cider in Mac's case). The men played a friendly game of darts, with Joe taking his friends to the skittles' alley for a friendly game of ninepins. He even tried to play snooker with Henry, but gave up after the twentieth time someone asked the rules. "Honestly, red, colour, red, colour, until all the reds have gone, then colour, yellow, green, brown, blue, pink and black. Reds are worth one point, yellow two, green three and so on. You play until you miss, then your opponent starts with red, or the next colour in sequence if the reds are all gone. Simple! Well, there are snookers and fouls, but I'll explain those if we have any. Basically, don't pot the white or a wrong colour."

"What is it about the British and inventing games with incomprehensible rules?" Nicholas asked. "Pool is simple; snooker can last forever!"

"Funny you should say that. The final match of the World Championship is the best of 33 frames, or individual games. That's the first to win 18 of them. It takes two days and in a closely fought match regularly finishes well after the second day has become a third!"

"This is a sport?"

"It is applying for Olympic status."

"Does it have cheerleaders?"

"Not usually, no!"

"Darn! That might make it worth watching!"

"You have a one-track mind, Nicholas!"

All the while, the small security detail provided by the Metropolitan Police was keeping a discrete eye on things. Until that is, Regina and Hippolyta were returning from the toilets, when they were approached by a tall stolid man dressed in the uniform of the security detail. "Your majesties, there is a need to come with us for an urgent meeting with the Prime Minister."

They were led to a large black sedan similar to the ones used by the diplomatic protection officers. The two women were helped into the back and the doors shut behind them. Once the guard had got into the front with the driver, they drove off back into central London.

Henry looked up. "Mom and Hippolyta seem to have been gone awhile."

"They went to the ladies a little while ago," Mac noted.

"That's funny," Mary Margaret commented. "I've just come back from there and the other cubicles were empty."

They checked with the bar staff, one of whom remembered the two women being led to the exit. None of the security detail, however, were missing, or had led Regina or Hippolyta to the carpark.

"I'll ring Mom's cell phone," Henry announced.

Regina heard her phone's ringtone. She reached for her purse, but saw the floor on which both hers and Hippolyta's were placed slide back. Once the bags had fallen onto the road, the floor slid back into place. "What the hell is going on here?"

The door locks suddenly clicked to "locked", the clear security screen behind the front seat raised and sealed against the ceiling and two jets of gas fired from nozzles in the door. A voice came through the speakers: "You are both now captives of SPECTRE!"

Regina was unconscious seconds after. Hippolyta, as an Amazon, lasted slightly longer, but Morpheus soon claimed her as well.

The driver pushed a button on his dashboard as soon as they were away from traffic cameras. Both licence plates revolved, the car's paint scheme turned from black to blue and the windows' tint was altered. Holographic images were projected on the inside of the car, showing a family of four, with two teenagers in the back, a woman in the front passenger seat and a man in casual clothes in the front.

"We'll be back at base in twenty minutes!" the "guard" radioed to base. "Plenty of time to secure our prisoners before they awake."

"Good work! So, both queens have been taken!"

"No answer again!" Robin fumed as no-one could get through to either of the missing ladies. "What's going on?"

Sam finished on his mobile. "Those men and their car were not sent by the police. Regina and Hippolyta have been kidnapped!"

Joe quickly took charge. "Get onto the camera operatives, Uncle Sam! Call Mr. Weston and have him put the security services, including SHIELD, UNIT and the Auror Office, on full alert. Dad, take me back to Culver Bay in the Jet Air Car. I need the brain patterns of an expert in finding and retrieving alive abductees."

"Hostage negotiation? We haven't had a ransom demand yet," Sam pointed out.

"Wait, we found this in the carpark," one of the security detailed said as she ran towards them. It was a business card, with a picture of a stylised octopus on one side and the other side blank.

Joe recognised it immediately. "SPECTRE are after revenge for the Caribbean. I don't think they intend to ransom our friends, but to murder them!"

Regina awoke. She was seated in a chair, with her wrists handcuffed behind its back. Hippolyta was seated opposite, likewise secured. A large, bloated man with thinning hair was seated behind a desk, stroking an exotic white Persian cat.

"Greetings," he announced in a deceptively sleepy tone, as if bored. "I am Werner Karl Blofeld, the current Number One of SPECTRE, or at least a major faction of it. Welcome to our London branch."

"Well, mister," Regina retorted, "you could have sent us an invitation!"

"Unfortunately, you foiled the Society of Wreckers and murdered its leader. Whilst we will shed no tears over the latter, as quite frankly that incompetent oaf was a liability, the disruption to their work was a serious disruption to our plans. We need to avenge that, so here the two of you are. Your joint execution is scheduled for tomorrow morning."

"Our diaries are full all day tomorrow!" Regina snapped back crossly. "Just you wait and…" She tried to conjure a fireball, not that she could throw it handcuffed as she was. She couldn't even conjure one!

"Did I mention the capsules of a special serum I had injected into your bodies? After a tip-off from a couple of ex-Home Office people, we were able to devise a squid ink-based compound able to prevent magic use without causing immobility. Enough to prevent you both from performing any magic for 48 hours _minimum_!"

"What?" Hippolyta asked.

"Squid ink has anti-magic properties! No fireballs and no heart-ripping! It affects Harry, Wednesday and Zee too. I'm as good as powerless!"

"Indeed," Blofeld smiled thinly. "By the way, all walls and ceilings are lined with lead."

"Huh?"

"Superman has X-ray vision, Regina," Hippolyta explained to her friend. "He can see through solid objects, unless…"

"They are made of or coated with lead?" Regina guessed. "Now mind what you are doing with that thing, idiot!" The last was addressed to a man scanning her at close range with some electronic device. Once he had finished, he began to scan Hippolyta.

"Just to confirm you have no transmitters or homing devices hidden on your persons, after that son of yours, Ms. Mills, used one in the Caribbean."

"Well, the only thing my watch can do is tell the time and date! No lasers, flashlights, circular saws or distress signals! Oh, and no homing device!

"Now, please let us go. If you do not, you may find yourself literally as well as metaphorically without a heart once…"

"Since you are not leaving this place alive, that is not an issue. Indeed, the anti-electronic warfare circuitry in the building should prevent any signals from reaching potential aid. We just wanted to confirm that you couldn't have activated a trace before the gas took effect in the car.

"Now we have to take you both to your joint condemned cell. Dart Ms. Mills and her majesty!"

Before Regina could fire off another retort, she was shot with a tranquiliser dart, as was Hippolyta. Within seconds, they were both unconscious once more. At an order from Blofeld, their handcuffs were unlocked and removed. They were then carried out of the room.

Back in Dorset, Joe had used the B.I.G.R.A.T. to "download" the brain patterns of an SAS officer. Mac had then returned him to London in the Jet Air Car. They met up with their friends back at the pub-restaurant.

Harry Potter, Modesty Blaise, Willie Garvin, Jack Harkness, the Doctor and the man Willie had been talking to at the reception the previous day were all present, as was Shane Weston, the Director of the London branch of the W.I.N. "Everyone, this is Commander James Bond, of the Double-0 section of MI6. Nobody else alive has more experience of dealing with SPECTRE."

"Thank you, Harry. Strictly speaking, I shouldn't be operating domestically, but MI5 Section D have approved this mission.

"As he said, I have considerable experience of fighting SPECTRE. I killed their founder, Ernst Stavro Blofeld, back in the 1960s…"

"You don't look fifty now!" Emma commented. "Let alone seventy-plus!"

"Thank you, but I served in Naval Intelligence during the Second World War. I will turn 95 this year."

" _Seriously…?_ "

"Wonderful stuff, Sherlock Holmes' Royal Jelly honey," Joe told her. "It can restore and prolong youth almost indefinitely."

Modesty nodded. "I'm in at least my mid-seventies myself and Willie is a few years older than me. Best beauty treatment _ever_!"

" _Really…?_ " Mary Margaret asked. "Charming, for mine and Emma's Christmas presents this year…"

Regina awoke. Hippolyta was beside her, also stirring. They were in a room, with some food laid out on a small table between two chairs. In addition, there were two single beds, both made. A door lead into a small room with toilet, basin and shower. A CCTV camera was placed high up on one wall.

"This must be our _condemned cell_ ," Hippolyta commented, "and this must be the exit." She tried the only other door. "Locked and solid, with the hinges on the other side. We will only be getting out of here when someone opens it from outside."

Regina nodded. "I've tried magic. He's right about that serum, I'm afraid. You know martial arts…"

"Not enough to force this door open! Wonder Woman gave me a history of SPECTRE, Regina. These guys aren't amateurs!

"I suggest we take advantage of the food and drink. The wine is in plastic bottles, not glass ones, I see. Smart!

"At least, this cell is comfortable, thank Hera! We could have had worse accommodation."

Henry was surprised as he, Ava, Athena, Chloe, Nicholas, Robin, Clark, Diana and Lois were all taken with Mac and Joe by the Doctor in his Tardis to a quiet London square. "This is Brownlow Square. Here we are at number seven, with a door so scarlet, the house is known as the Fire Station. Now," Joe said, ringing the bell, "to seek assistance within."

A dark-haired woman of obvious Romany descent opened the door. "Joe, we weren't expecting you. But be welcome none the less!"

"You didn't inherit your mother's precognitive abilities then, Fenella," the Doctor quipped. "Is your husband in?"

"I am," a fair-haired man announced, putting his arm around Fenella. "Hello, everyone, I'm Richard Morton, journalist of the _Clarion_ , archivist of a number of hush-hush organisations and member of the Lone Pine Club, as is Fenella here."

"And as our children now are," Fenella added. "The rules are still the same. We even still sign the rules in our own blood on joining.

"Come in, all of you!"

Once they were all inside the comfy lounge and served with a high tea, their hosts asked what the party were after.

"Actually, I'm seeking assistance. Auntie George is in London?"

"As are Jon and Penny Warrender. They are visiting Jigger. I believe they are all doing some work at Old Park House."

"Not at Uncle Jigger's place near Sheldrake Grammar?"

" _Sheldrake Academy of Excellence_ now Joe! Jigger's old friend Boko still says their alma mater is only standing due to the thickness of the paint though!"

"These are a party from Themyscira and Storybrooke…"

"We've met Clark, Diana and Lois before, Joe! We know who the first two _really_ are, remember!"

"Actually, Clark Kent _is_ as much who I really am as Kal-El and Superman."

"Not _now_ , Smallville! Our mother-in-law has been kidnapped by SPECTRE, as has Regina Mills."

Joe nodded. "We need to mobilise those former young detectives, journalists, scientists and the like who have been recruited by the Crown."

He turned to the others. "We got the idea from the States, who recruited Nancy Drew, the Hardys, the Danas, the Bobbseys, the Swifts, Cherry Ames, Encyclopaedia Brown, Trixie Belden, the Three Investigators and so on to do sensitive work for them. So we have the Lone Pine Club, the Baker Street Irregulars, the Famous Five, the Secret Seven, the Five Find-Outers, the old boys of Sheldrake Grammar School and Linbury Court Preparatory School and many more. Most of them are now married with children…"

"Tom and Jenny Ingles have grandchildren," Fenella reminded him, "As do Dick and Jo Kirrin."

"True!"

"Mum, Dad, I didn't think we were expecting visitors," said a newcomer. About Henry and Athena's age (Ava being a couple of years older than her boyfriend), he inherited his mother's Romany looks. "Hi, Joe."

"Hi, Reuben," Joe replied. "Named for his maternal grandfather," he told the others.

"Richard and his elder brother David and twin sister Mary inherited this house from their parents. They had already given David Witchend, their holiday home in Shropshire and location of the famed lone pine, as a wedding present. As David, Mary and their spouses and children live in Shropshire and Richard works in London, he and Fenella moved in, with his siblings staying over if they are in the city."

"And who are these?" Reuben asked.

"Sorry, this is Chloe…"

"The girl who is your heart's desire?" Reuben asked.

"That's me!"

"This is Diana's niece Princess Athena…"

Reuben bowed. "Good to see you, your majesty."

"Your royal highness, technically. Call me Athena!"

"These are Nicholas and Ava Zimmer of Storybrooke, better known as Hansel and Gretel."

"Wow! Kill any witches lately?"

"One in our lives!" Nicholas told him.

" _I_ killed her!"

"Your sociopathic! I'm not!"

"Hey, that's my girlfriend!"

"Dude, she's my sister!"

"I can fight my own battles, Henry!"

"I know, but chivalrous Fairy Tale boy, remember?"

"Sorry, Henry. Yes, there is that," Ava finished, leaning in for a kiss.

"Finally, this is Henry Mills, adopted son of the Evil Queen, paternal grandson of Rumpelstiltskin and maternal grandson of Snow White and Prince Charming. The man is their world's version of Robin Hood."

"He was real in this one?"

"Yes, I've met him. Rubbish fighter. I beat him with a spoon!"

"And Diana, Lois, Clark and the Doctor you know," Joe finished hastily before the Doctor warmed to his theme too much.

"Pleased to meet you all."

"Enchanted!" Athena nodded. "Now, can we go to this old house please?"

"Old Park House," Joe corrected her. "The family seat of Sir Jasper Ryde. Not to mention being the base of the Baker Street Irregulars!"

Regina sighed as she finished her simple meal of cottage pie, carrots and peas. "Not the last dinner I was hoping for. What I would give for lasagne, or one of Granny Lucas' steaks…"

"Indeed," Hippolyta said looking in the en suite. "No obvious cameras, thank Hera! I wouldn't want to be filmed on the toilet or in the shower."

Regina shuddered. "Yes and posted online, knowing my luck! Could be worse, I guess. At least we both have figures worth looking at!"

"Yes," Hippolyta agreed. "I wonder how they plan to kill us?"

"Is our pet tiger shark ready for its feast tomorrow, Number Twelve?"

"We have been progressively reducing its rations, Number One. It is really hungry for _a double Queen-sized meal_!"

"Very droll, Number Twelve!"


	4. Chapter 4: The Search is On!

The Tardis materialised in the grounds of a stately home in an outer London suburb. All the tourists had left for the day. Joe knocked on the door of an outbuilding, with a tall, slender, dark-haired man coming to let them in.

"Good to see you, Joe, Doctor, Mac, everyone. What assistance is required?"

"Mayor Regina Mills of Storybrooke and Queen Hippolyta of Themyscira have been abducted on an unofficial state visit here in London, Uncle Dan."

Dan Robinson, founder and leader of the Irregulars nodded. "Jeff, Liz!" he called. Two blonde figures approached, one a tall, stocky man and the other a tall, slim woman. Jeff Webster and his wife Liz Spencer had been Dan's best friends from infancy. Together with Mickey Denning, they formed the Baker Street Irregulars, named after Sherlock Holmes' gang of Street Arabs. Unbeknownst to Sherlock Holmes addict Dan at the time, he was actually the Great Detective's Great-Grandson. If his features had been a fraction more hawk-like, he could have passed for his distinguished forebear.

Behind them was a tall, fair-haired girl of Nicholas and Ava's age. "Hello, Joe. Who are your friends?"

Joe grinned. "This is Jeff and Liz's daughter Louise Webster." He then introduced the others.

They were invited into the building. George Kirrin was chatting to Jon and Penny Warrender. J.I.G. "Jigger" Johnson was talking to his best friend Rex Milligan.

Once the contingent (now including Richard, Fenella and Reuben) were seated, Dan turned to one of the computer terminals. "Where did the abduction take place?"

"Richmond. At this pub here." Joe passed Dan the address. "Right, about what time?"

"About half past one." Suddenly images from traffic cameras appeared on the scene. "There, that must be the fake diplomatic protection vehicle. Look, that's Henry's Mum and Athena's Grandma."

Dan nodded. "Odd! The car vanishes in the area between those lights. Per the incident report I've flagged up, MI5 Section D have searched the area thoroughly, based on these same images.

"Hang on! That blue car! It's the wrong dimensions – that looks like adaptive camouflage to me. They must have rotating or projected licence plates, adaptive paint, adjustable tint windscreens and windows and internal holographic projectors. Let us trace it. It disappears in that area down by the docks. Blast! Too many warehouses, factories and office blocks! We'll have to do a search tomorrow morning."

"Well, all these screens show that area," Joe nodded. "These analyses based on the cameras and – what did you base this one on?"

Jeff looked up. "That's based on…" He turned pale. "That is a probable location based on current information to where the mysterious tiger shark leftovers are coming from…"

"I think," Jigger said slowly, "we know who imported the thing and why."

"Yes," Joe agreed, "SPECTRE are keeping it. From the fewer carcasses found, I presume they are part starving it for a large meal sometime soon. Regina and Hippolyta are destined to be fed alive to the shark!"

Regina finished towelling herself off in the en suite after her shower. She put her bra and panty set back on and entered the main cell. Hippolyta, clad in her own underwear, was in her bed. The former Evil Queen slid herself beneath the duvet of the other bed.

"That was a good idea of yours, Hippolyta, to keep at least our underwear on when in range of that CCTV camera. I'm not happy about being naked with that bloated idiot watching me!"

Her friend began to shiver. "Ditto! While I enjoy being naked on Themyscira, the thought of evil men watching me unclad…"

"If I had been raped, Hippolyta, I would be even more uncomfortable about the situation than I already am."

Hippolyta nodded. "Well, I suppose we should get some sleep tonight. By Aphrodite, what a shame you are straight! I would have liked to have made love on what could be my last night on this world…"

"Sorry, Hippolyta! Straight _and_ spoken-for! I didn't know you…"

"Did you really think that I did not have sex for three and a half millennia?"

"Fair point! I suppose the, err, _alternatives_ were limited until recently…"

"Exactly!" She shivered again. "We must formulate a plan of escape, but it's hopeless!"

Regina sighed. "If only I had Henry to do his " _in Fairy Tales, we never abandon Hope and we shall get our Happily Ever After!_ " routine." She then started to sob. "Henry, Robin, Swan, even those idiot Charmings, I'll never get to say a proper goodbye to them. I'll never hug Henry or kiss Robin, or even _see them again_! Why must I always be unhappy?"

Hippolyta was starting to cry herself. "Diana, Clark, Lois, Drusilla, Athena, Donna, Roy… I won't see my beautiful family ever again! Maybe I'll semi-ascend like the goddesses did, but…"

After some more chat, the two friends fell into a restless, uncertain slumber.

Tirelessly, MI5 Section D arranged for the area to be swept by the Special Branch of the Metropolitan Police. Superman searched the area from up high, but too many of the buildings had lead-lined walls and he could not hear any sound that was obviously Regina or his mother-in-law. Roy Harper, the vigilante known as Arsenal and Donna's long-term boyfriend, was preparing his arrows, with Robin doing the same thing. James Bond, Modesty Blaise, Jack Harkness, Sam Loover, Joe, David and Emma were checking their firearms and Mary-Margaret her crossbow. Harry Potter was polishing his wand.

Mac, Lois, Jigger, Rex, George, the Lone Piners and the Irregulars would provide mission support from the Tardis. Once Superman had identified the correct building, he, Wonder Woman and Troia would attack from the air, with Arsenal, Robin, James Bond, Modesty, Willie and Jack attacking from the ground. The Doctor would materialise his craft in the lair and try to help the captive queens. He would leave the Tardis with David, Emma, Sam and Joe as cover. Much to their annoyance, all the youngsters other than Joe were told firmly that they would be staying in the Tardis until the battle was over.

"How are you feeling, Henry?" Ava asked as she snuggled up to her boyfriend as they relaxed in the lounge after a hearty meal Joe called Toad in the Hole. This consisted of thick sausages cooked in batter, served with mashed potatoes, peas, carrots, savoy cabbage and creamed parsnips. It was very tasty and filling, which was just what Henry needed. It had been a trying day, with the worry over the kidnapping. "I know that's a stupid thing to say."

"I just need to hold you at the moment. Well, we don't _know_ they are dead _yet_. Until we do, there _must_ be hope. We _are_ Fairy Tales. _Hope is our business_! I _must_ believe that!"

Penny Warrender sat down beside them, her flame-red hair as fiery as her temper. The general feeling was that Tom Ingles might have been the strongest member of the club, but "Newpenny" (as Jon had dubbed her after the copper new penny coin) was possibly the most dangerous! On the other hand, she was quick to give a friendly smile, with her wide grey eyes sparkling. "This waiting is always the worst part of a kidnapping, trust me. I remember when the twins disappeared during our second meeting with the Ballinger…"

"You weren't bound and gagged in that cellar!" Richard commented drily. "That was when we met that French girl Arlette and my future editor James Wilson of the _Clarion_."

"Crystallised Cheesecakes!" they could hear Rex exclaim, as he and Jigger were telling Nicholas the story of how they helped raised the money to repair the roof of Sheldrake Grammar's school hall, a complicated tale involving a bird watcher, a refugee and an unexploded bomb that turned out to be a bathroom geyser. As always with Rex, Jigger and their friends, nothing was ever simple!

"We never spoke in a daft slang…" Richard noted.

Jon, Penny and Fenella looked at each other before exclaiming in union, " _Acksherley, Dickie_ …"

"Oh, shut up!"

Athena was talking to Reuben Morton. The darkly handsome Romany boy was a good listener and had a habit of only speaking when necessary (something else he inherited from his mother, according to Joe!). Just what she needed, with her grandmother in mortal peril. She was told that, until there was proof of death, there was still hope (largely by Henry – as endearingly naïve as ever).

"I don't understand why anyone would want to do something so cruel! My grandma is a fierce warrior and Regina Mills a formidable sorceress, but they do not deserve to be used as fish food!"

"No, your royal highness – I mean Athena. Some people are just plain wicked. This SPECTRE has long been a byword for viciousness."

"Indeed," James Bond announced. "Waiter, I'll have a vodka martini, ice and lemon, shaken not stirred. I have been fighting SPECTRE and the Blofelds for most of my life, Princess Athena. If they are thwarted in a plot, they shall send a reminder that the R stands for Revenge."

"Well, I hope that, if, no, _when_ Grandma and Regina are rescued, they can do some heart-ripping!"

"Whichever Blofeld or other is in charge, they are hard to kill! Trust me, killing Ernst Stavro Blofeld, their founder, wasn't easy." Bond sighed. "He had my wife killed en route to our honeymoon, after I had ruined an earlier plan. We had all the time in the world, or so I thought…"

Athena nodded. She turned to Reuben. _I wonder if he is single? Grandma did tell me that I would be allowed to marry for love after that business in Storybrooke. I can't believe that those horrible Al Ghuls nearly caused a war. It was a good thing that Henry, Ava, Regina and the rest accepted that we were being manipulated by that madman!_ "Reuben, thank you for listening. Do you have an e-mail address I can use to keep in touch?"

"Certainly!" He gave it to her. She disappeared back to the room she was sharing with Sappho and Chloe, but not before shyly pecking Reuben on the cheek and embracing Henry and Ava tightly. _I just hope I can get some sleep tonight_!

Nicholas approached Louise Webster. "Your parents are detectives, then?"

"Mum helps the others where possible, although she's primarily a journalist, like Nan. Her Mum, I mean. My other one is a housewife, much to Mum's disgust! She's a women's libber!"

"Sorry?"

"A strident feminist! She's forever calling Dad a male chauvinist pig. He then teases her about her militant tendencies. According to Uncle Dan, it's the basis of their relationship!"

"I see." He didn't! "Ready for the excitement tomorrow?"

"What excitement? We are being kept in the Tardis by the patriarchal oppressors…"

"If you mean the Doctor, he's like that with everyone!"

"No! I mean those who are keeping the women away from the action…"

"Emma? Diana? Donna? Modesty? Mary Margaret?"

Louise sighed. "You have a point!"

Jeff grinned. "Ladies rarely concede an argument in my experience!"

Liz glared at him. "Maybe that's because gentlemen are rarely clever enough to win one!"

"Flirt later!" Dan barked. "Otherwise you'll have Jack Harkness pestering you!"

"Did someone say my name?!"

"Jeff, Liz, good luck!"

"Well, _hello there_ …"

Liz and Jeff quickly made their excuses and left with Louise.

Regina awoke after a fitful sleep. Hippolyta had got out of her bed and was doing some exercises on the floor.

"It's a bit late to be worried about your health!"

"I like my body to be in peak physical condition at all times."

"I would say being _dead_ is not a peak physical condition!"

The cell-door was unlocked and opened. "My, what a sight! The Queen of the Amazons exercising in her scanties!" announced the SPECTRE guard, pointing a pistol into the cell.

Regina raised an eyebrow. "Assuming that means _underwear_ , may I remind you that she does martial arts?!"

"Well, if she attacks me, I shoot you in the stomach before her in the head!"

"I won't use pankration on you," Hippolyta promised. "Now, are you going to kill us now?"

"Actually, I'm providing you with your last breakfast! Your joint execution is scheduled to take place in about ninety minutes' time."

"I can't wait!" Regina muttered.

After a generous serving of porridge was provided by the guards, they left, locking the door behind them. Regina and Hippolyta ate, freshened themselves up and dressed.

Superman flew over the Docks, hidden by the clouds. Whilst he couldn't see through lead, he could still hear over great distances. The Invisible Jet with Wonder Woman and Troia inside was flying beside him. Diana was using telepathy not just to pilot her plane, but to send a repeated message that hopefully Hippolyta can hear from wherever she is being held. Lois was staying aboard the Tardis – even she had conceded a pregnant woman didn't belong in battle. Her goodbye kisses to him and Diana had been even more passionate than usual, as had her pleas for their safe return. _She wants our child to grow up knowing the Daddy and both the Mommys._

Wait, the voices were muffled, but did he hear Regina talking to his mother-in-law?

"We've had about ninety minutes now. I do hope they are not going to keep us waiting!"

The door opened and the guard from before entered, covering them with his pistol. "Queen Hippolyta of Themyscira. Ms. Regina Mills of Storybrooke. You have been tried _in absentia_ for crimes against SPECTRE, convicted and sentenced to death. Tie them up!" This last instruction was given to two further guards, who stood behind him with lengths of rope. They quickly approached their captives and bound their wrists together.

"Show time!" the lead guard grinned. "For us, anyway!"

"If I survive," Regina promised, "you shall be short a heart, I promise you!"

Regina and Hippolyta were led to a chamber. There was a strong hook hanging from the ceiling above what appeared to be a trapdoor. The women's bound wrists were raised above their heads and secured to the hook, ensuring they stood back-to-back. A SPECTRE operative with a knife made a gash in a bare shin of each lady (they were wearing the little black dresses from the previous day, SPECTRE not having provided alternative garments), causing blood drops to fall onto the trapdoor beneath them.

"That's not a fatal wound!" Hippolyta snapped. "That is not arterial blood."

"No, your majesty," said Werner Blofeld. "The blood loss shouldn't kill you both. Something else will do so first!"

"Don't keep us in suspense!" Regina snapped. The hook was suddenly raised on its winch-cable, lifting the helpless queens into the air. "This is definitely keeping us in suspense!"

The trapdoor suddenly opened a few yards beneath their feet. About thirty foot beneath it was a large tank of water, with a large shape clearly visible swimming within. " _Galeocerdo cuvier_ , the tiger shark. Imported from the Caribbean near Trinidad, it has been given less to eat than usual recently. It should quickly pick up on the blood in the water very quickly and be driven into a feeding frenzy. All the time…"

"We are to be slowly lowered down towards and eventually into the water?!" Hippolyta guessed. Almost immediately they began to descend slowly towards the tank and its hungry occupant.

"Right!" Regina snapped. "I shall enjoy ripping that jet black heart out of your fat chest, Mr. Blofeld…"

"Please!" Blofeld lazily replied. "That squid ink-based serum won't wear off until long after you will be some savaged remains floating in the Thames. I think I'm safe…"

"No, you are not!" Hippolyta told him. "I can sense my eldest daughter telepathically sending a repeated message from somewhere above. She's saying that she has company!" She then screamed out two words at full volume: "SUPERMAN, HELP!" She then grinned. "He may not see through lead, but it doesn't affect his hearing!"

Superman nodded at the Invisible Jet, before flying over. "Mother's just called for my assistance. It came from that building down there!"

Diana set the Jet to autopilot, whilst Donna contacted the ground troops and the Tardis. The two Amazons then glided down towards the nondescript warehouse, the Kryptonian speeding through the air ahead of them. The rescue was under way.


	5. Chapter 5: Live Bait!

Regina and Hippolyta continued on their slow, involuntary descent. Beneath them, the shark was circling. Half-starved, it was clearly ready for the lavish banquet dangling their legs some yards above.

"My arms ache from supporting my whole bodyweight, my left leg is weak from blood loss and I don't get to kill Blofeld," Regina grumbled.

"You missed being brunch for a shark!" Hippolyta added dryly.

"How could I forget?!"

A familiar red-and-blue blur burst through the roof, followed by red-white-and-blue and black-and-white ones. The doors to the warehouse were flattened by explosive charges, as James Bond, Willie Garvin, Modesty Blaise, Arsenal and Robin Hood entered. Finally, with the usual whining and groaning noises, the Tardis materialised. Joe, Sam, Harry, Jack, Emma, Killian, David, Mary Margaret and the Doctor all emerged. Inside the console room, the youngsters, the Lone Piners, the Irregulars, Ginny and George all provided feedback via headsets from the Tardis scanners.

Blofeld was not surprised to see his agents struggling. Superman, Wonder Woman and Troia were clearly angry and they are three of the most powerful metahumans on the planet. Arsenal, Robin Hood and Mary Margaret are top archers (a top _marksman_ in Arsenal's case!), Killian and David fine swordsmen, Emma a crack shot (and promising sorceress), Harry a skilful wizard, Jack a force of nature (and an immortal one at that!), the Doctor a great saboteur and the spies were deadly to a man (or woman or child). His troops were outgunned. _Still, business must be concluded_! "Speed up the descent!" he ordered.

As ordered, the SPECTRE agents increased the bound ladies' rate of descent towards the now quite-rapidly approaching tank. With the ropes cutting into their aching wrists, Regina and Hippolyta were in some agony.

Seeing what was going on, the Doctor activated his sonic sunglasses. Almost instantly, the winding mechanism went into reverse, winching the condemned queens back up towards safety. The main guard noticed what was happening and sent them hurtling back downwards. Again, the Doctor used his sonic sunglasses to reverse their descent, with the guard promptly sending them back down.

"I've always wanted to know what a yo-yo feels like!" Regina complained to Hippolyta.

The three metahumans were charging through the SPECTRE goons, tossing them here there and everywhere. Arsenal, Robin and Mary Margaret were providing covering volleys of arrows and bolts. Bond was firing his Walther PPK, Joe and Sam their automatics and Jack his revolver, whilst Modesty and Willie were largely sticking to just using their arms and legs.

Willie stopped to hurl one of his knives with the usual pinpoint accuracy into a SPECTRE agent forty yards away. There was a reason he was known as "the knife man", for, whilst an excellent archer and sniper, he shunned handguns. When you are the best knife-thrower in the business, a pistol is not necessary. Throwing knives can never jam!

Modesty also preferred to rely on her arms, legs and kongo baton for fighting, and was also a top archer. Unlike her long-term friend and wingman (despite the rumours, they had never been lovers), she was perfectly willing to use her compact MAB Brevete to deadly effect. Seeing a couple of foes creeping up from the left, she produced an ordinary looking lipstick and hurled it at them. She smiled thinly as the disguised tear gas grenade exploded, before calmly shooting the choking goons dead.

Jack and Joe were providing covering fire to protect the Doctor, whilst the Time Lord was continuing his attempt to keep Regina and Hippolyta as far above the shark tank as possible. Bond and Sam were doing the same service to David and Killian who were cutting down SPECTRE agents with their swords. Emma was mixing bullets and fireballs to deadly effect!

Inside the Tardis, seeing their respective Mom and Grandma in mortal peril, Henry and Athena were shaking. Ava was holding Henry and Reuben was doing his best to comfort Athena. Nicholas spoke into the headsets: "Can't you stop the winch?"

"What do you think I'm trying to do?!" the Doctor snapped back. "Unless you can stop that numpty with the controls reversing my attempts to use my sonic sunglasses to raise the winch-cable back up, I can't do much else."

Suddenly a _bombarda_ spell from Harry caused the winch controls to explode. The guard was caught in the blast and began to bleed. The Doctor promptly used his sonic sunglasses to rapidly winch the hook and the queens tied to it upwards. As they went up, Hippolyta said "Sorry, Regina!"

"What for?"

"Spoiling your revenge against our guard from this morning!" At this, she swung hard, causing the winch-cable to move like a pendulum. Using her legs like pincers, she caught the guard and swung back, dropping him into the tank below. The man had barely enough time to scream before the shark was upon him. A few bites and he was no more.

"No problem! I think that was just as good as a heart-rip! Hoist by his own petard!"

"Good! That pendulum swing used up most of my remaining strength. I would hate to fall out with my best friend over it!"

"You won't!"

Superman flew up to them, using his heat vision to cut the cable. Before they could fall, he had caught them and flown them to safety. Wonder Woman then threw her tiara at precisely the right angle to slice through their bonds safely. They were free.

"Are you both OK?" Superman asked the ladies who had collapsed exhausted to the floor.

"Our arms are worn out and our legs are bleeding from the knife slashes!"

Harry ran up and cast two _episkey_ charms. Regina and Hippolyta felt their respective slashed legs warm and mend. "You will need blood replenishment potions, but you should recover. Ginny has taken some with her. We'll get you to the Tardis now." At that, he levitated them and took them into the Doctor's craft, its owner snapping his fingers to let them in.

Once they were inside, they were heartily embraced by Henry and Athena. Ginny reached into her magically expanded handbag and produced two vials of the blood-replenishing potion. She passed them to the queens, who quickly unstopped the vials and drank the dose within. They slowly began to feel stronger again, as Ginny used _episkey_ on their chafed wrists.

Blofeld was sitting behind a desk, stroking his cat. The attacking forces were approaching.

"Surrender now, Blofeld, or emulate your Great-Grandfather in dying at my hands!" Bond ordered.

"Ah, 007," Blofeld replied, "You must know by now I'm not that easy to catch!" He pressed a handful of controls on his desk. Secret compartments opened in the floor. Superman was forced to hold back as unshielded lethal green kryptonite was exposed. Squid ink ejectors gave Emma pause, fireballs formed in both hands. Machine guns were raised to cover the others. A clear plastic screen lowered behind the defences, which quickly proved to be resistant to bullets, arrows, bolts and even conjured fireballs. Finally, the floor beneath the desk and chair descended, taking Blofeld and the cat with them. An adamantium plate slid into place above it.

"As slippery as eels, those Blofelds!" Bond quipped blackly.

"Well, James-love," Modesty purred in her exotic, mellow voice, "I'm sure Regina will want to get her hands on, no, _in_ him!"

Blofeld himself had placed his cat in a mini-submarine, before getting into it himself. He sealed the cockpit and opened remotely an underwater channel to the Thames. The sub activated and vanished under the water, its cradle lowering and releasing. Minutes later, it was safely entering a similar port under a nondescript office block five miles away.

"Her Majesty and her government wish to express their sincere regret for the lapses in security that allowed your unfortunate abduction and near-demises," James Bond informed Regina and Hippolyta. "We apologise for any inconvenience caused."

"Well," the Doctor commented, "nice to know Whitehall Mandarins haven't lost their famed ability for understatement!"

"I'd say!" Harry agreed. " _Concerned_ means they are about to close an embassy. _Deeply concerned_ means war is about to be declared. _Gravely concerned_ means they are looking up the launch codes for the Trident nuclear warheads!"

"Certainly, it's different from _going medieval on…_ "

"There are children present, Jack!" the Doctor snapped.

Regina was busy kissing Robin whilst holding Henry tightly. Hippolyta was in a group hug with Diana, Clark, Lois, Donna and Athena. As far as they were concerned, they were safe! That was all that mattered, other than killing Blofeld if they caught up with him.

After assuring the British government that, yes, they accepted the apology and, yes, they intended to continue with the visit, they were taken to a lavish state banquet at Buckingham Palace that evening. The Queen commended Regina and Hippolyta on their bravery and restated her government's apology for the distressing security breach. SPECTRE had been an increasing threat lately, or series of threats, as there were at least five or six splinter groups, each claiming to be the true SPECTRE. Security would be increased and _lessons learned_ (according to Harry, this meant some officials would be _invited to spend more time with their families_ ), but Werner Blofeld was known to harbour a grudge and they could not guarantee he wouldn't try something else.

The food was sumptuous. For starters, there were prawn cocktails served in cut-glass serving dishes. The main course was roast topside of beef (or nut cutlets for vegetarians), served with roast potatoes, gravy, horseradish sauce, carrots, roast parsnips, cabbage, peas and, of course, Yorkshire pudding. Even Henry had to admit the Yorkshire was tasty, once he had been assured there was no pigs' blood involved, only batter. Once that was finished, there was Eton Mess (lumps of meringue served with forest fruits). After that, there was an extensive cheeseboard (Stilton, mature Cheddar, Wensleydale and more), served with Jacob's Cream Crackers, a distinctive dry biscuit. Finally, there was your choice of coffees and teas, served with after-dinner mints.

"For the next few days, it will be sight-seeing mixed with official or semi-official events like this one," Mac told his friends. "We will be visiting Kew Gardens and Hampton Court Palace tomorrow, before a dinner at the Guildhall. Then it will be the Tower of London, including the headquarters of UNIT's London branch, before lunch on the next day, prior to a private committee of both MPs and peers at Westminster Hall. That evening, you will be dined at the exclusive Diogenes Club. After that, there are no firm plans, but I'm sure there will be plenty of time for shopping.

"There was originally going to be a ball here tonight, but that has been postponed until later in the visit. Whilst those blood-replenishing potions work fast, we felt that a night of dancing would not be a good idea."

"Thank you, Mac!" Regina responded to her close friend. "I'm just glad to have avoided _execution by tiger shark_!"

"Same here!" Hippolyta agreed. "I would love to have a rematch with Blofeld. That was a vastly better attempt at a _kill them slow_ death-trap than Athena, Henry and Ava's near close encounter with a blast furnace in Port of Spain!"

"I'm also up for the rematch! I can almost feel myself crushing his heart slowly…"

"If I know Blofeld," Bond stated, "You may both get your chance. Now, he has been defeated, he will want revenge more than ever. He will almost certainly make another attempt to kill you both.

"Now, Modesty, I believe you want me to accompany you to the Guildhall tomorrow?"

"Yes. You see, Willie is going with his latest flame. Since I am temporarily between beaux, I could do with an arm to lean on. Of course, I shall then be free until quite late the next morning, if you catch my drift?"

"Perfectly, Modesty, perfectly!"

"I thought you would get it, James-love! It would be good to know if you live up to your reputation…"

"What reputation is that?" Killian asked Sam.

"Best male lover in MI6 and quite possibly in the British Isles!"

"Bit of a player, then?"

"One who comes across as a gentleman, but, yes, he is a professional. The sex is more of a hobby, though!"

"Why would a professional be a serial seducer?"

"Non-amateur sportsman? _Gentlemen or players_? Never mind, old sporting joke. In any case, err, _probing a woman for information_ may be required."

"If I wasn't happily spoken for, I'd be enlisting!"

"If you did," Emma told him, "you may find yourself lacking the _necessary equipment_ …"


	6. Chapter 6: SPECTRE at the Feast

Breakfast that morning was another buffet-style affair. This time there were one-serving cereal boxes and vats of muesli and grapefruit halves, as well as the usual cooked items. Henry helped himself to muesli and a plate of mushrooms, bacon, sausages, baked beans, hash browns and fried egg. He left such exotic items as black pudding and kippers to the locals. From the way Joe, Mac and Sam would happily devour them, he assumed that some British foods hadn't come over with the Pilgrim Fathers. His blonde Mom had said that the kippers were both delicious and available in Maine. He had had sea food for breakfast before, just not normally smoked fish.

"How are you feeling this morning, Mom?" he asked Regina, when she joined him.

"Still somewhat sore, but generally better. Those charms and potions were, well, _magical_! A night in Robin's arms helped as well. His touch is also _magic_!"

"TMI, Mom!"

"In a couple of years' time, Henry," David told him, "Ava will be making that comment about _your_ touch."

"Not with our children present, she won't, Grandad!"

"My boyfriend is the best!" Ava declared, before kissing him deeply.

"Actually, darling," Henry pointed out, "since I accepted your proposal back in the Caribbean, I'm your fiancé. It's about time we got the rings and made it official!"

"There's still time, Henry. I'm not yet seventeen and you are about two years my junior!"

"We'd be married by now in the Enchanted Forest…"

"And she'd be dead from childbed fever, Henry!" Regina told him. "I'm glad we are in _this_ world. And I said I wanted to send us all somewhere _horrible_!"

"I've got the two best Moms in the world!"

"First equal with Swan? I'll take that. I like Emma. She's what Snow would be like if she was both blonde and not an idiotic blabbermouth!"

"I was ten!"

"And my mother killed my true love!"

"You've got Robin!"

Henry sighed. When his brunette Mom and Grandma started arguing, it often tended to end up with the death of Daniel being brought up. As much as he loved his Moms, he had to admit Regina Mills had never been the "forgive and forget" type!

For all the concerns about a vengeful SPECTRE, the day's events started peacefully enough. Kew Gardens and the nearby Hampton Court Palace were worth a visit. The latter in particular had allowed the children, including Reuben and Louise and their respective parents. In addition, Jon, Penny, Dan, George and Jigger alongside the Doctor, Rex, Harry, Ginny, Jack, Bond, Modesty and Willie were serving as an extra security detail. Harry and Ginny had brought their three children along for the experience too. As it was the Monday of the half-term holiday, the tourist attractions were reasonably busy. Still, there were plenty of opportunities to be given a "Real Tennis" masterclass and to get lost in the palace's celebrated hedge maze.

A ploughman's lunch was put on for everybody in the restaurant. There was the usual buffet of bread, cheese, ham, butter, pickles and chutneys, plus salad, pork pies, sausage rolls, chicken drumsticks, pickled onions, Scotch eggs, potato salad, coleslaw and sausages. It was a hearty, but simple (and very tasty!) meal.

Once their day activities were over, the parties returned to their hotel (or homes, for those who lived in Greater London) to change for the banquet at the Guildhall. This began with cream of parsnip soup, followed by salmon en croute, followed by beef wellington, followed by bread and butter pudding with custard. The meal finished with coffee and mints. Throughout the earlier courses, there were constantly being refilled water jugs, as well as the finest beers, ciders, wines, spirits and soft drinks.

Lois sighed. "If only I didn't have to stick to the soft drinks! Still, you will be worth it!" she sighed, rubbing her bump.

"We can make you feel better later!" Diana assured her. "Clark and I intend to give you a night to remember!"

"You always do, Themyscira!"

Hippolyta and Regina were asked to make presentations to the assembled dignitaries, including Boris Johnson the Mayor of London, Theresa May the Home Secretary and many more. All were, of course, briefed on the top secret worlds that existed hidden from normal life. Hippolyta was an old hand at diplomacy, which was good, as her friend was not noted for being diplomatic. Still, she was able to give an effective presentation concerning life both in Fairy Tale Land and Storybrooke. There was even a slideshow of Storybrooke life. _Thank you Henry!_

"Any questions," Regina asked. Hippolyta had ended her update on Themyscira with a Question and Answer session and it had led to some lively debate.

"Did you think about the natives of this world when you brought everyone here?" someone asked.

"Sorry, but no!" the former Evil Queen admitted sadly. "As I said at the United Nations, I was a bitter and twisted woman back then. I didn't know or care whether the new world would be occupied, yet alone what any inhabitants would feel about us if they found out we had arrived.

"Now I know better. The wizards, meta-humans, aliens and, yes, ordinary people have been very kind to us over the last year-and-a-quarter or so since then. A number have become personal friends. For instance, Wednesday Addams is a regular visitor to Storybrooke and there is a permanent portal between Themyscira and us."

"Thank you," another speaker noted, "for your honest answer. You were lucky to escape death at the hands of SPECTRE yesterday. Do you blame the UK for your predicament?"

"I blame SPECTRE alone for my abduction and near-murder. Queen Hippolyta told me she shares my opinion. If Werner Blofeld was to appear in this room, we would kill him. Otherwise…"

"I'm not in the room, but I don't need to be!" a familiar voice sounded over the intercom system. "SPECTRE will be avenged tonight!"

Thick, choking clouds of smoke emerged from the air vents. Immediately, the evacuation protocols were started. Everyone was led outside by the security. Everybody that is, apart from Regina and Hippolyta who were grabbed and had chloroform-coated rags held over their mouths and noses by SPECTRE agents with night-vision goggles and gas masks.

By the time the authorities had assembled everyone in good order and checked everyone was present, the two ladies had been carried to a lead-lined van, injected with additional capsules of the squid ink-based serum and were being driven to meet Blofeld in his new lair.

"Where are they this time?" Diana asked.

"The previous headquarters is still empty," Sam replied. "That Blofeld is a feared opponent. To take them both captive again from a heavily-guarded building…" He shook his head. "Smoke bombs with timers in the air vents. The loudspeaker system hacked. How?!"

Athena and Henry were sitting with Ava, worrying again about their respective grandmother and mother. Nicholas, Grace and Sappho came up, with Reuben and Louise accompanying them.

Joe and Chloe were helping to collect evidence from the crime scene. "This Blofeld is good!" the Amazon grumbled.

"Well, you don't become a criminal mastermind without some skills," her boyfriend pointed out. "He has helped keep SPECTRE a name of terror in the world."

"What's this?" Chloe asked, finding some sort of receiver by one of the smoke cartridge fragments.

"Part of a wireless-controlled remote detonator for the cartridge," the Doctor told her. He activated his sonic sunglasses. "Hmm. I might be able to track down the frequency of the signal and track its origins using the Tardis' scanners."

"In the meantime," Dan Robinson announced grimly, "CCTV cameras around the area were hit by a massive EMP around the time of the incident. SPECTRE are not an amateur outfit!"

Regina awoke. She was seated in a chair, her wrists bound separately to the arms and her ankles likewise secured to the legs. A further length of rope secured her torso and upper arms to the back of the chair. In addition, some sort of cloth had been used to gag her, very effectively by the way her attempts at speech were reduced to a few muffled noises. Since there were similar noises coming from directly behind her, Regina correctly assumed that Hippolyta was likewise silenced and secured to another chair tied back-to-back with hers. She tried magic, but suspected that more of the squid ink-based serum would have been injected. She couldn't conjure a spark, yet alone a fireball!

"This time," she heard Werner Blofeld announce, "there will be no cries for help! Your death is set for twenty minutes from – NOW!" She heard a ticking sound start. "That is the countdown set for this base's self-destruct mechanism! This entire building shall be blown to kingdom come! Goodbye, Ms. Mills, Queen Hippolyta. What, no witty retorts, Ms. Mills?!"

Regina's barely audible and entirely incomprehensible reply might have untranslatable, but the tone and the fierce glint in her eye were unmistakeable signs that if she ever could use her magic, or even her bare hands, on Blofeld, he would be a dead man. Hippolyta was likewise silently promising pain.

Blofeld smiled before picking up his cat and leaving for his mini-submarine and a lead-lined cargo ship to France.

A familiar blue box was hovering over London. The Doctor was busy tracing the signal from the remote detonator. "There!" he exulted. "That abandoned office block is the source!" He gave a growl. "The energy reading from that place suggests a massive bomb is about to go off!"

He looked around. The entire party was in the Tardis. Wonder Woman and Troia were bearing swords that could slice through atoms and shields almost as tough as Captain America's vibranium one. Bond had the larger Walther P99, as well as his usual PPK. Sam and Joe had their usual W.I.N. automatics and Modesty her Brevete and a weird looking metal longbow and quiver of equally unusual arrows, in addition to her kongo baton. Willie, of course, had his harness of throwing knives, David and Killian their swords, Harry his wand and Emma her pistol and magic. He himself had his sonic sunglasses and his wits. _Wit, words and a sonic device. That's all I need!_

"No time to delay! I can only detect two lifeforms, close to the bomb and apparently immobile. Any bets on them being Ms. Mills and Queen Hippolyta?"

Blofeld's mini-sub was winched aboard the lead-lined ship, registered to an obscure shipping company that was actually a SPECTRE-front. He disembarked and picked out his cat. Time to head for France and from thence to the Swiss Alps.

Regina and Hippolyta were frantically struggling against their bonds. Both knew that, barely able to move or speak, they would be helpless when the self-destruct sequence activated. Hippolyta hadn't felt a telepathic probe from Diana, but knew she would be searching for them.

Suddenly, a distinctive whining and groaning noise sounded and the Tardis materialised. The door opened and the rescuers emerged. Joe ran up to Regina and Hippolyta, removed their gags and then cut them free with his penknife. Meanwhile, the Doctor used his sonic sunglasses to disable the self-destruct system.

Once she had felt her circulation flowing normally again, Regina pulled Joe into a tight hug. "Thank you!" she cried, before kissing his forehead.

"Don't mention it!" _I like Robin, but I kind of wish I had tried to set Regina up with Dad. She would have been a cool stepmother. Having Henry as a stepbrother would have been great too!_

Once the queens had been helped back into the Tardis, Henry had hugged Regina tightly whilst Robin kissed her deeply. Hippolyta was being hugged and kissed by her daughters, granddaughter and in-laws. The Doctor used the Tardis' phone to call in back-up to examine the building. He then went out of the Tardis and used his sonic sunglasses to hack the mainframe once more. That done, he rushed back into the Tardis. "Captain Jones, how do you feel like a bit of piracy with violence in the Thames Estuary?"

"What are you on about this time, matey?"

"Oh, we've got a boat to catch…"


	7. Chapter 7: Boarding Party

Werner Blofeld smiled as he saw from his cabin that the ship was about to leave the Thames Estuary for the open sea. His satisfaction was immediately reduced by a distinctive sound from the main deck, the sound of a Tardis materialising.

A war party of Superman, Wonder Woman, Troia, Arsenal, Killian, David, Robin, Mary Margaret, Bond, Modesty, Willie, Sam, Joe, Harry, Jack and the Doctor ran out of the Tardis. Regina and Hippolyta had been provided with weapons: a crossbow and quiver for Regina; and a sword and shield for Hippolyta. They followed their friends onto the deck. The others remained on "monitor duty" in the Tardis.

Seeing his former prisoners unscathed angered Blofeld. Time for him to leave! He grabbed his white Persian and his pistol and stepped onto the deck. If he had to fight his way to safety, he would do so!

Blofeld was expecting his men to be losing badly. SPECTRE operatives were elite, yes, but their foes were in an entirely different weight division! James Bond had been fighting SPECTRE for about fifty-five years. A skilled hand-to-hand fighter (primarily boxing-based, but he knew the basics of judo and other martial arts) and incredible marksman with rifle, handgun or throwing knife, he was a feared opponent. Modesty Blaise and Willie Garvin had also been in the business a long time, first as criminals and then as secret agents. Sam Loover was the deputy head of the W.I.N.'s London Branch for a reason and even Joseph McClaine was a tough proposition even without his glasses and access to the skills and memories of whoever's brain-patterns were being transmitted to him thereby. The W.I.N. had arranged for him to learn various armed and unarmed combat skills from a number of old hands at the game, including Harry Palmer and Emma Peel. As to Jack Harkness, Harry Potter, Arsenal and the meta-humans, well, there were no super-powered beings or wizards among his current operatives. Whilst he was less familiar with the Storybrooke contingent, they would have been raised as warriors. This was not a fight SPECTRE could win.

Killian Jones was enjoying himself hugely. As a, well _more or less_ , reformed character, nonetheless he had been a rogue and a pirate for too long to completely lose the thrill of boarding a ship with hostile intent. "Cease your struggles, you lubbers! Surrender your ship or be cut to ribbons!"

His partner was no less keen. Despite her own past as a thief and jailbird, Emma Swan was not a pirate and was now a lawwoman. This, however, was an act of war! Regina Mills was, _de facto_ at least, the Head of State for Storybrooke and a good friend. Sure, they bantered and argued all the time. Unlike with Mary Margaret, however, Regina was generally good-natured towards her and these days the sniping between them was more for mutual amusement than due to mutual antipathy.

As to Regina, her blood was boiling! That psycho had abducted her twice over the last few days, trying to kill her both times. Hippolyta, a good friend, had shared both her predicaments.

Wonder Woman and Troia were both warriors, raised as Amazons from infancy. Whilst both were kindly enough (a hardened killer wouldn't have won Superman's heart!), they could be formidable in battle. Even Superman was known to be less the Big Blue Boy Scout when, as now, his loved ones had been threatened. When the two Amazons were charging into a fray with swords and shields and the Kryptonian was a blur of savage kinetic energy, their opponents would be seriously advised to flee.

Hippolyta herself was a warrior. Raised under Ancient Greek culture, she combined the scholarship of Athens and the fierceness of Sparta. With her sword and shield (both made by Hephaestus himself), she was dealing out death and destruction left, right and centre. No-one tries to kill her and gets away with it.

James Bond hated SPECTRE. They had killed his wife and too many other friends over the years. He may have been tasked with a job, but his professionalism was supported by the cold fury he felt every time he heard the words "SPECTRE" and "Blofeld". Now more SPECTRE goons were learning what happens when you take on Agent 007 of the British Secret Service.

The other assembled heroes were all fighting well. SPECTRE was all but defeated.

Regina saw Blofeld taking his cat towards the mini-sub. "Stop, Blofeld. If you surrender now, I may pass you on to the proper authorities, rather than killing you."

"Insolent bitch!" came back the response. "Without magic, you are helpless."

Seeing the sudden movement over the Tardis scanner, Louise Webster yelled into the headsets "Look out, Ms. Mills!" Regina instinctively threw herself to the deck, just in time for a bullet from the small automatic Blofeld had drawn and fired at speed to pass right over her. She sat up and fired a crossbow bolt straight into the villain's chest, piercing his heart. Rising fully, she walked over to the dying criminal. "I said I would take out your heart, but assumed it would be literally and with magic. Well, you know what they say about skinning cats…" Blofeld coughed up more blood and expired.

Once a few more stragglers had been killed or captured and the cat caged, the fight was over.

"Now, it is quite late and we have all had a busy day. Back to the hotel?" Emma asked.

"Thank you, Emma. I need to get back to my room and make love to my fiancé before catching up with my beauty sleep," Regina assented.

"Back to the Tardis," the Doctor agreed.

As they returned to the Tardis, no-one was surprised to hear Jack asking Emma and Killian if there was any chance of them taking up his usual offer of a game of "naked cops and pirates" this time.

Regina snuggled back contentedly into Robin's arms, their energetic coupling just concluded. "With Blofeld now dead, it is good to be safe. In your arms, I always feel secure." She leaned up and kissed him deeply. "Now, my love, are you up to making me feel even safer…?"

"Well, you said you would make it up to me for not touching alcohol," Lois told her spouses. "You succeeded, as always."

"Aphrodite herself would find you inspiring, Lois!" Diana replied.

"Just kissing me would suffice, Themyscira!"

As his wives shared a long and passionate kiss, Clark pulled them close.

The next morning saw them all gathered for breakfast. The usual buffet was supplemented by a new spread, a thick black substance called "Marmite". According to Joe, Marmite was hugely popular, but either loved or loathed! Henry quickly decided to avoid it in future, along with an Australian equivalent called Vegemite Joe had talked about.

With Blofeld dead, it was decided to continue with their original plans for the day.

Before their visit to the Tower of London and the secret UNIT base beneath, however, Joe and Sam went to the W.I.N.'s London headquarters. In London Director Shane Weston's office, they were met by Weston, Bond, Modesty and Willie, as well as a handful of others. Joe grinned. John Steed, Emma Peel, Napoleon Solo, Illya Kuryakin and Richard Barrett were not only legends of the field, but were also all among his honorary aunties and uncles.

"Good to see you, Joe!" Richard called, his slight Yorkshire accent as cheerful as ever. The head of Nemesis was just as young-looking as when he and his colleagues Craig Stirling and Sharon Macready were caught in a plane crash in the Himalayas back in the late 1960s. Gifted with meta-human abilities by a lost civilisation, the three agents had been major headaches to the enemies of civilisation for almost fifty years. "How are Regina and Hippolyta?" Richard, Craig and Sharon were involved in the events that saw Joe and Mac hold off a Home Office invasion of Storybrooke and were later present at Diana, Clark and Lois' nuptials.

"Good, thank you, Uncle Richard! You are all looking well today."

"Well, Joe-love," Modesty trilled, "I can say your Uncle James definitely lived _up_ to his reputation last night and this morning!"

"As Henry would say, TMI Auntie Modesty!"

"Back to more serious matters, ladies and gentlemen!" Napoleon called. "We have plenty of data the Doctor helpfully retrieved for us from both base and ship. We have also let the other SPECTRE factions know that any further attempts on either lady would be answered with all reasonable force.

"At least SPECTRE are reasonable. Can you imagine THRUSH or HYDRA answering a polite request?"

"I know you of old, Mr. Solo, my dear chap," John Steed said in his usual charmingly amateur manner. "You no more make truly polite requests than I do!" He was the epitome of the steel fist in the velvet glove! Even the meta-human Richard Barrett was extra careful around Steed.

"Actually, he _does_ , Steed!" Emma corrected. "You are about as genuine an amateur as a senior rugby union international in the early 1990s. Mr. Solo can be very persuasive. Besides they know what happened to Werner Blofeld and his faction. His cat is settling in nicely at Mr. Johnson's, I hear."

Joe chuckled. _There isn't an animal alive that Uncle Jigger couldn't befriend instantly! Uncle Rex says even the most notorious canine or feline delinquent can be tamed by five minutes with him. Perhaps Bruce could ask his advice on keeping Selina in check?_

The debrief finalised, Joe and Sam met up with their friends across the bridge from the Tower of London, just down from the Tower Hill former execution site. "We shall be taken on a tour by one of the Yeomen Warders, or Beefeaters," Joe explained. "It shall include the White Tower and the Crown Jewels. There is also a tour of UNIT's secret underground base."

"I've never seen that part of the Tower before," Reuben commented.

"Neither have I," Louise echoed. "We should attend diplomatic tours more often!"

Harry, Ginny and their kids could have sworn they had seen one figure in the courtyard before, dressed in sixteenth-century garb, possibly for a tableau. The lady smiled, removed her head, and walked off before vanishing. "It seems Queen Anne wanted to see the queens!" Ginny quipped. Anne Boleyn had a portrait at Hogwarts. She was a Gryffindor with Slytherin tendencies, like both Ginny and Harry.

"Well, at least it wasn't that blasted jester!" the Doctor fired back. "'Heighdy! Heighdy! Misery me…' You would have thought he would have learned a new song by now!"

"I have a song to sing, O!"

"You had to jinx it, Doctor." Jack shook his head. "Now we will get a full performance!"

"It is sung to the moon…"

Kate Stewart greeted them at UNIT Headquarters, London. "How was your tour?" she asked.

"Well, the Crown Jewels were pretty and the torture implements were delightful," Ava answered.

"It went well, apart from Lily trying to convince the Beefeater leading our tour that Katherine Howard was trying to tell him had got her speech from the scaffold wrong yet again" Harry added dryly. "Anne Boleyn was telling me that it was the best laugh she had had in years, though."

"Only you wizards would talk about speaking to both Henry VIII's decapitated queens as if it was a normal occurrence!" Dan complained.

"Anne Boleyn is really chatty and actually friendly once you get to know her," Rex commented. "Well, as long as you don't mention her ex, against whom she nurses a perfectly understandable grudge. She was one of my favourite interviewees from that executed Tudors series."

"Luna's father was over the moon when you introduced him to most of Henry VIII's court!" Ginny fired back.

"Ah yes, his daughter was one of those who truly sees," came a hollow voice, with traces of Norfolk, Kent and France in the accent. The Tower's most celebrated victim appeared, still with her head upon her shoulders. "It is always good to meet three fellow queens."

"Two!" Regina and Mary Margaret declared in unison, before turning to glare at each other. The more secure Hippolyta merely returned Anne Boleyn's curtsey and thanked her for her welcome.

The ghost laughed. "It really should have been one of Henry's maternal uncles or his great-niece, but Jane is a shy little thing and Edward and Richard are such scamps that I got the honour."

"Well, technically, you are my mother-in-law!" the Doctor commented.

"Yes, my darling Elizabeth was most hurt when you never returned," the Queen said sadly. "You were a handsome devil back then. That other one was the nicest – the younger one."

"I improve with age! That younger me was 400 years older than the elder me!"

"Does that make sense to anyone?" Emma asked despairingly.

"At any rate, is there anything we need to know about?" Jon asked Kate.

"We have detected no sign of potential hostile alien activity recently. Has Torchwood, Jack?" He shook his head and Kate continued. "The Zygon High Command have even challenged us to a friendly game of cricket. Guess which Doctor one of the Osgoods is currently dressed as?"

"And the other one?"

"Velvet and ruffles!"

"Two great choices!" the Doctor approved. "Is the cricketer on their side or ours?"

After a hearty lunch of toasted ham and cheddar cheese sandwiches, homemade potato crisps and a side salad followed by Chelsea Buns, the party was taken to Westminster Hall, the oldest surviving part of the Palace of Westminster, home of the Houses of Parliament.

"Wow, I've always wanted to see Big Ben!" Ava exulted as they entered the building, with the Hall closed to the public and media for unspecified security reasons. Anti-terrorism is more believable than Snow White, Prince Charming and the Evil Queen addressing a grand committee from both Houses!

Joe looked at her strangely. "Technically, you still haven't! You have seen the Elizabeth Tower and a couple of its clock faces. Big Ben is its largest bell!"

Another question and answer session followed, with Regina and Hippolyta again assuring everyone that they only held the late and entirely unlamented Werner Blofeld responsible for what happened to them. They left with an agreement of mutual support between Themyscira, Storybrooke and the United Kingdom.

On the whole, the visit had been a successful so far.


	8. Chapter 8 : The Old Windsor Waltz

The following evening, the party found themselves at Windsor Castle. After having had an enjoyable meal at the Diogenes Club the night before, they had spent the day in the Windsor Great Park. Now, though, the tourists had gone home and the party were attending a ball at the Royal Palace. Most of the Royal Family was present, including the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh. Both Archbishops, the Prime Minister and many other dignitaries were present.

After a hearty banquet of venison soup, smoked salmon, roast lamb with all the trimmings and Eton Mess, the dancing began.

Robin and Regina were dancing in time to the slow waltz, held firm in each other's arms and sharing plenty of soft kisses. "Just think in less than two months, we will be sharing our first dance as man and wife," he commented.

"I am counting down the days to our wedding, my love!"

Henry and Ava were also enjoying the waltz and taking the opportunity to catch up on their kissing quotient. Joe and Chloe were doing the same, as were Grace and Sappho. Modesty Blaise was being twirled around by James Bond, whilst Willie Garvin was doing the same with his current paramour. Clark, Diana and Lois were somehow able to improvise a three-handed version of the dance, although Lois was sitting out the more energetic numbers. Jack had somehow managed to lure Hippolyta onto the dance floor. The married couples were dancing together.

Athena snuggled up to Reuben Morton as they danced together. "There's still a few days before we move onto see some fish woman in Scotland."

"Nicola Sturgeon, the First Minister of the Scottish Parliament?"

"I think so."

"So what do you want to do with our free time?"

"Hopefully, this!" The Amazon princess pulled his face to hers and clamped her lips against his. "Henry! Ava! I see what you mean about this True Love's Kiss," she called when she had finally ended the kiss.

"So, young Reuben," Diana said firmly, "What are your intentions towards my niece?"

"Err…"

"Hopefully the same as Princess Athena's towards him," Richard Morton said firmly. "Or we shall be having words, your royal highness."

"I intend to marry your son and make him a Prince of Themyscira. Is that honourable enough, Mr. Morton?"

"And I feel nothing but love for your niece, Princess Diana. When she kissed me, somethings just kicked into place and I felt a jolt like an electric shock!"

"True Love's Kiss!" Henry pronounced solemnly. "You are each other's One True Love. There is no more powerful force in any realm."

"That's not quite true…" the Doctor began.

Nicholas was having a friendly chat with Louise Webster. Having learned something from his failed attempts in the Caribbean to persuade Athena and Sappho to go out with him, he was trying to avoid obvious flirtation. "So, Louise, are you enjoying yourself?"

"Well, Nicholas, how often do you get to rescue two queens from certain death twice? Plus, I never expected to be invited to a ball for foreign dignitaries at Windsor Castle or to befriend Hansel and Gretel!

"Now, a fast polka is being called. May I have the pleasure?"

"I thought that I was supposed to the one who asked?"

"Women's Libber, remember?"

Later on, after they had shared a handful of dances, the ball had ended. They were preparing to leave for respectively the Webster/Spencer household and the hotel. Louise said "See you tomorrow, Nicholas."

"You will. What are we doing?"

"I don't know. The British Museum was mentioned. Something about a Secret Annexe?"

"Well, wherever we go, it's good to spend some time with you." He kissed her cheek and they both blushed.

"Do you have a girlfriend, Nicholas?"

"No. Would you like to be my girlfriend?"

"You live on the other side of the Atlantic!"

"Is that a 'No'?"

"It may have been a 'Yes' if it was practical."

"One way to find out what the answer should be!" Nicholas kissed her softly on the lips. "Does that answer your question. That was a True Love's Kiss!"

"Then according to that hopelessly romantic friend of yours, we belong to each other, right?"

"Right!"

"He's as bad as Jenny Ingles! But…"

"We're having a portal to Brownlow Square installed," Athena said, approaching the couple arm-in-arm with Reuben. "You could get through it to Themyscira and from there to Storybrooke. Nicholas has favoured status, so could go through in reverse."

"Thank you!" Louise threw her arms around Nicholas. "Now, I believe we were kissing…?"

Author's Note

The usual thanks to my fellow author "Model Builder" for his advice and encouragement. Please read his stories.

One of the ideas for this story came from reading Chelsea Cain's "Memoirs of a Teen Sleuth", Nancy Drew's "autobiography". One of the book's frequent ideas was that what separated the United States from other civilisations was their "young sleuths", who were often recruited for special missions. No other country had them. What?! Had Ms. Cain never heard of the Famous Five or the Lone Pine Club? Well, in my Storyverse, Her Majesty's Government had!

Since I had Joe 90 as part of my Storyverse, George Kirrin from the Famous Five was an obvious choice, given that she also lives on the Dorset coast. The rest of the team soon enlisted themselves. As a huge fan of both Malcolm Saville and Anthony Buckeridge, the Lone Piners and the old boys of Sheldrake Grammar quickly joined the team. Yes, before anyone asks, Rex, Jigger and their friends did catch a couple of felons, as did J.C.T. Jennings and his friends at Linbury Court. Terrence Dicks' Baker Street Irregulars was an homage to a childhood favourite. I purchased a battered old copy of the first book in the series, "The Case of the Missing Masterpiece", from a charity shop some years ago and it immediately took me back to my school days. It's time for Dan, Jeff, Liz and Mickey to live again!

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed my story.


End file.
